I long for the days of past when I felt deep down like everything was going to be ok. Everything is not ok, and it never will be. That is the price of knowledge.
"Wisdom's a gift but you'd trade it for youth
Age is a honor, but it's still not the truth,"
I am so thankful to be in possession of the lessons I have learned, it's like my life is a black scratch off paper - and its getting so beautiful as those colors reveal themselves. But the pain is so intense. With the beauty of the depth of knowledge that has come the price has been almost always suffering. Maybe others can learn lessons in less painful ways, but I guess my lessons were mine and mine alone, so they caused only me pain and could teach only me. What a fabulous bespoke Universe we live in.
At different times I have felt like I was flying through life - just could not understand how it all could be so good, but feeling happy and so grateful. It gets harder to be grateful for life when it makes you cry at 3am. But it is life, and the cycle of life is so hard.
Today I said that I would give up my Mom to spare her the pain of losing me. It is said to go against nature to lose a child, but a hundred years ago that would have been so different. I think fear is really really scary. Living a best life is an excellent defense to fearing death.
I hope that a life well lived and progeny on bright paths surrounded by love makes one facing the sunset of their earthside time feel fulfilled. I hope they can see what surrounds them and feel the fullness of love and the promise of a bright future for generations to come that is rooted in their years of hard work, sacrifice, love and humor.
In the past it all seemed so easy...it’s not like as a girl I never pondered the career versus homemaker path- I thought back then they just weren’t trying hard enough, my lack of understanding made it seem so clear and simple. Knowing how things are muddies the water of understanding.
It gets more complicated and less black and white.
"Wisdom's a gift but you'd trade it for youth
Age is a honor, but it's still not the truth,"
I am so thankful to be in possession of the lessons I have learned, it's like my life is a black scratch off paper - and its getting so beautiful as those colors reveal themselves. But the pain is so intense. With the beauty of the depth of knowledge that has come the price has been almost always suffering. Maybe others can learn lessons in less painful ways, but I guess my lessons were mine and mine alone, so they caused only me pain and could teach only me. What a fabulous bespoke Universe we live in.
At different times I have felt like I was flying through life - just could not understand how it all could be so good, but feeling happy and so grateful. It gets harder to be grateful for life when it makes you cry at 3am. But it is life, and the cycle of life is so hard.
Today I said that I would give up my Mom to spare her the pain of losing me. It is said to go against nature to lose a child, but a hundred years ago that would have been so different. I think fear is really really scary. Living a best life is an excellent defense to fearing death.
I hope that a life well lived and progeny on bright paths surrounded by love makes one facing the sunset of their earthside time feel fulfilled. I hope they can see what surrounds them and feel the fullness of love and the promise of a bright future for generations to come that is rooted in their years of hard work, sacrifice, love and humor.
In the past it all seemed so easy...it’s not like as a girl I never pondered the career versus homemaker path- I thought back then they just weren’t trying hard enough, my lack of understanding made it seem so clear and simple. Knowing how things are muddies the water of understanding.
It gets more complicated and less black and white.
This is so true, and something I’ve learned a lot over time. Your writing is amazing and something I really connect with, I love this.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I really like appreciate the compliments on my writing. Innocence lost is knowledge gained I suppose.
DeleteTime passes no matter what we do with it. Life flies by - we get busy and literally taking a breath can bring us back to focus on the now. Now is all we really have right?
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! I couldn’t possibly agree with you more life can be so fleeting. I recently lost a friend to suicide and all it did was take her pain away and spread it to many other people. In the end I guess we all have choices to make but I’m very sad with the choice that she made.
Deleteyou're right, when we're younger we're more innocent as to how things go in the world
ReplyDeleteI’m never really sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. In essence is precious, but so is knowledge.
DeleteWe each learn different lessons in different ways. My experiences are mine and yours are yours. Life is beautiful in its entirety with the good, the bad and the ugly. It's all a package and we all get different things from it. You're not the only one that has to go through pain. This doesn't make it easier. When you're down and in the mud don't forget to look up at the sky.
ReplyDeleteWow Diane, that is really really good advice it’s true that no matter how low we are we can always look up right? And why a boy I recognize that in my part of the world people to suffer less pain. There are other parts of the world war pain and fear are part of everyone’s every day life and they just have to live with it and learn to survive somehow I am grateful even with what I have suffered for the life that I have.
DeleteI have no idea where I'm going to be tomorrow but I accept the fact that tomorrow will come and I'm going to rise to meet it.
ReplyDelete"Wisdom's a gift but you'd trade it for youth
ReplyDeleteAge is a honor, but it's still not the truth"
Awesome quote. Is it made by you?
Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness.
ReplyDeleteYou should cleanse your mind of all the bad vibes. Let the good vibes flow instead.
ReplyDelete